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Fill your world with beautiful art!
I’m a huge fan of Jason and his art. When I asked him if he would be interested in having one of his pieces showcased on Beauty Brains Booze he generously said ‘yes’ before the first episode had even been shot. We are incredibly lucky to have him as a sponsor and he has extended a 20% off discount to all of our Beauty Brains Booze viewers. Check out all of his incredible work @ www.jasonyokoboskygallery.com
Jason Yokobosky is a commercial advertising and fine art photographer. His passion for capturing beautiful landscape and oceanic images leads him around the globe looking for his next “best shot”. Most of his days are spent in and around the ocean with a camera and smile from ear to ear.
The centerpiece on display in our show is called “Mornings in the Southbay” The cost for this exact piece is $1,275 but our viewers can receive a 20% discount by entering the discount code “BBB” www.jasonyokoboskygallery.com
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Welcome!
Hey there, what a crazy year it’s been! I’ve been through it all – facing my fears, embracing change, and making a gutsy decision to take control of my life. I mean, I even had the courage to ditch a high-paying job that made me miserable, cashed out my 401k, and invest in myself.
But let me tell you, right after making that daring move, I totally freaked out and panicked! I ended up signing myself up to see a psychiatrist, questioning my own sanity. Like, what had I just done?
Now, I’m new to therapy, so I didn’t want to show up without a clear purpose or goals in mind. I could totally picture myself sitting on this comfy couch, sweating and stuttering when asked, “So, why are you here today?” Time ticking away, money slipping through my fingers. Not exactly how I wanted to start a session with someone who charges by the hour.
So, I did some soul-searching before the first appointment. I asked myself some tough questions:
- Where am I letting fear control my life and hold me back?
- What negative thoughts are stopping me from reaching my full potential?
- How can I change my mindset and create the life I truly desire?
And wow, it hit me hard. Fear and negativity were consuming my every move. I had zero energy, stuck in a job that wasn’t fulfilling, constantly feeling inadequate. As a mother, doubts consumed me. Hanging out with friends started feeling like a chore. And failure? Oh my, it terrified me. I realized I wasn’t living up to my true strength and self-worth.
Oh, and let’s not even talk about social media! The constant stream of people showcasing their perfect lives left me feeling like I was drowning in shallow water.
I desperately craved genuine, heart-to-heart connections. I wanted to learn from other women’s journeys and be uplifted, carried upstream past all the fear, towards my best life. Surely, I couldn’t be the only one feeling this way.
That’s when Beauty Brains Bubbly came to life! And guess what? I’m inviting you to join me on this extraordinary journey. Let’s create a safe space where women can have honest conversations, share impactful stories, and truly make a difference. Together, let’s dive in headfirst, tackle those hush-hush topics, and be open and vulnerable. We’ll share all the tips and tricks for living our best lives, making sure no one ever feels alone in their struggles. And hey, let’s find humor and joy in facing life’s challenges head-on and embrace our mistakes and failures as evidence that we took chances!
I’m ready to grow, and I want you to come along for the ride. Are you in? Let’s inspire each other, take risks, and remember that none of us are ever alone.
Our journey is a badge of honor, my friend, so let’s make the most of it.
Cheers,
Deb
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Unmasking
Relationships should be built on authenticity, not artifice. This requires us to present our true selves and be open and vulnerable to criticism as well as recognize and accept others for who they are.
We all walk into situations looking to make a great first impression. I remember going into an interview with a law firm right out of college. At the time, I was still living on crackers and peanut butter, driving a beat-up Buick Skyhawk and my closet was sparse with the few clothes I owned from High School that still fit.
I needed this job and was excited about the interview but didn’t own a single suit. However, I managed to walk in looking like a million bucks, in an expensive suit and shoes I had borrowed from a friend’s mom and got the job. Then I showed up the first day of work in a worn, slightly to short skirt, blouse and beat up flats.
The HR Director that hired me was in shock. Here she thought she was getting a polished professional and instead a young woman with no money & not a single business appropriate outfit showed up. I was immediately called into her office and given a warning and told to come back the next day dressed as I had been for the interview. Rather than share with her my true situation I walked out ashamed and embarrassed.
Luckily, my friends mom took me shopping, showed me how to work one skirt, one pair of slacks, a business jacket and a couple of shirts into a weeks’ worth of different looks and loaned me the money to purchase everything so that I wouldn’t lose my job before I could even collect the first paycheck.
It’s common to pull out all the stops when we want to impress someone. There is nothing wrong with presenting our best selves. Just make sure it isn’t at the cost of creating an entirely untrue narrative about yourself that you can’t pull off.
A great example of creating a first impression narrative to impress and show others what we think they want to see… horribly backfiring.
Ever read online dating profiles? Here’s one (abbreviated) that roped me into a date:
Tall handsome Italian gentleman and professional chef.Great! Sign me up for THAT date.
Who showed up?
Angry midget, still married, no job, homeless couch surfer who when asked where he went to culinary school replied, ‘I didn’t but I cook for people sometimes.’
So, I didn’t have to dig very deep to realize that the online narrative this guy had built for himself was false because the dude that showed up was so clearly not the one, he portrayed himself to be in his profile.
But what about when the idealized version of someone is far better hidden and harder to identify? People craft sometimes craft completely plausible narratives to support their facade.
I’m a self-proclaimed OCD neat freak. No hiding it. My spice cabinet is organized alphabetically.
So when I was invited to dinner at the house of a man I had begun dating he ran home before I before I got there and loaded 15 giant garbage bags full of crap that was lying around his room and hid them in the garage. If his kitchen was a mess or the bathroom so dirty at times I would have to squat to pee and I questioned him on it, he would blame his roommates. It wasn’t until we moved in together that I clued into the fact that his roommates weren’t the only slobs living in that house.
I’m sure you can imagine how incompatible we were sharing a space. Had I ignored the signs along the way that clearly indicated he wasn’t being honest? Absolutely. Not only did I want him to be who he said he was but I think he wanted to be as well. And then once I had committed to living with him and the facade, he had created came crashing down, I still stuck around thinking that maybe I could change him. Let’s just say that didn’t work out so well for either of us.
Relationships should be built on authenticity, not artifice. This requires us to present our true selves and be open and vulnerable to criticism as well as recognize and accept others for who they are.
If you are comfortable in chaos and don’t prioritize a neat and tidy space then own that. There are plenty of people that also feel their time and energy are better spent on other things rather than cleaning. My now grown sons laugh and say my home to them feels like a museum and they have no intention of wasting time vacuuming their apartments, picking clothes up off the floor or dusting when there is so much fun to be had in the world. They call me a neat freak (which is true) and I shake my head in disbelief that they can relax in all that mess. That doesn’t make either of us wrong or weird, just different and we can each own our own natures and respect one another’s choices.
Creating a false narrative helps no one and generally backfires.
Looking back it would have probably been a good idea to let the HR Director at the law firm know, that as a recent graduate, I didn’t own much in the way of business professional dress and asked for some guidelines as to what would be okay to wear the first few weeks until I received my first paycheck and was able to go buy a few suits.
The homeless, out of work, still married, angry midget should have just owned up to who he really was. True, he probably wouldn’t have gotten many dates but his time would have been better spent changing his situation so that he could love and accept himself enough to be open, honest and upfront in his profile rather than bamboozling people into first dates that were sure to go nowhere.
The truth is that criticism is much easier to stomach when it relates to a construct, we can separate ourselves from vs. our true selves. No big deal if I skipped his profile because it wasn’t real anyway. But put the truth out there and no one bites…well that cuts deep because suddenly it feels like a real rejection of who you are.
Become aware of your own masks and walls that you bring to new relationships and learn to love yourself, own your truth, and present yourself in the most honest way possible. It makes for a much better outcome long term.
Remember that none of us is perfect nor should we try to be. Perfect is not relatable and unattainable. We all have flaws, insecurities, areas of ourselves we are working on, so own and be you!
Keep in mind that we all want to be loved and accepted and so often that leads us to present ourselves in a way that we think will please others. So, don’t accept things at face value. Dive deep, ask tough questions and be vulnerable yourself so that others can feel comfortable enough to share themselves fully as well.
Oh, and one more thing. Please don’t turn a blind eye to those glimpses of someone’s truth that may not match up to the idealized version of them you have blindly accepted or fashioned in your own mind. Know yourself. Share your truth and freely accept others as they are or move on because baby…. you are not going to change them.
#relationships #impressions #dating #growth #truth #narratives #vulnerability #criticism #ashamed
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Drunk Texting: A Tool for Deep and Meaningful Relationship Discussions
Ah, the power of the #drunktext. Are the questions, accusations, jokes that from our fingertips fly (post several cocktails) unleashed with the simple click of the send button, really our deepest, darkest, secret musings? Is it a sound off of the true feelings we are harboring deep down inside? Should they really be hoisted up like sails, filled with extraneous winds and sent to cut through the deepest waters driving our relation “ships” into the rocky shores? Are there real truths here to be examined and extracted of something meaningful and profound? Or are they just drunk jabbering that should be ignored and not splayed out the next day for level-headed consumption?
‘Why would you say this if you didn’t mean it? Is that really how you feel? It must be, or drunk or not, you would never have unleashed in such a way? What deeper meaning does this harbor?’
I don’t know. Remind me again? What the hell did I say?
1:30:59 A.M. Girl: “Mad tipsy. Miss you. Adore you. Wish you were here. Tell me that people can get married and stay mad passionate about each other…it is possible right?’
OOOOH, tread very carefully here boys.
Admission: #loadedquestion. I’m going to help you out with the answer to this one. It’s a resounding and simple ‘yes’. Discussion over. Girl smiles and rolls into bed reassured that she is dating a guy who believes in the power of love and possibility. It’s figurative. Directed at you but in a philosophical roundabout kind of way. Not asking for you to pronounce your inner feelings about our #newrelationship. Not a big ‘uh oh’ flag pronouncing major #insecurity that needs to be fixed. Just rehashing the nights highlight (a married man with three kids is trying to sleep with your single girlfriend) hoping that you will be the buoy that says all ships don’t have to go down that way and ’yes’ to the possibility of happy and forever after. Just be the guy that lends a girl a little faith when it’s wavering a bit at 1:30 in the morning on a Saturday night/Sunday morning.
Ah, we’re a tricky species aren’t we? All #complicated and #confusing. Who can blame you for getting it wrong?
2:11:28 A.M. Boy: Don’t know cause never been married. However, kind of hammered myself and on my way home. Miss U too. Ur sexy by the way
2:17:30 A.M. Girl: LOL. Making pizza. Gonna hurt tomorrow. BTW: don’t have to have been married to have an opinion about that. But I do think you may be a little jaded and on the ‘no’ team.
2:41:58 A.M Boy: What does that mean-no team? What r u doing?
2:44:50 A.M. Girl: Home getting ready for bed. I think you know what I mean.
2:46:34 A.M. Boy: I don’t know. What r u talking about hotie?
2:48:26 A.M. Girl: I sometimes get the impression you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. Am I wrong?
2:49:03 A.M. Boy: Why are you accusing me of being jaded btw?
2:49:59 A.M. Girl: Long night of girl talk…Am I that far off base?
2:54:09 A.M. Boy: I’m not sure of all the code talk. Shoe to drop, my opinion on a married topic and I don’t have experience with that? What r u asking me?
2:57:43 A.M. Girl: Nothing. No worries. You don’t need to bust out your secret decoder ring. Have fun. See you when you get back!
2:57:45 A.M, Boy: Girl talk usually never leads to anything good. What did they convince u about me? Don’t be short with me please. What is it that I’m missing here? What did those girls put in ur head?
3:01:12 A.M. Girl: Nothing really. I’m not being short. Honest. Totally fine. Made pizza and hanging out on the couch watching TV. You?
3:04:33 A.M. Boy: In bed about to fall asleep. Glad ur ok. Hope u sleep well. Talk to u tomorrow. Kisses.
THE NEXT DAY –
2:38:49 P.M. Boy: How do u feel today young lady?
2:39:49 P.M. Girl: Ouch. Just ouch. Watching silly girl love movie and eating French toast at almost 3:00 in the afternoon! What are you up to? Big football day…
2:43:11 P.M. Boy: Sounds like u and ur girlfriends went kinda strong last nite. What were you girls talking about?
2:50:13 P.M. Girl: A guy we know who is married with three kids was texting Veronica trying to get her to sleep with him. It kind of put a damper on the night. Got us all talking about relationships and whether or not we thought it was even possible to be married with kids and maintain that initial passion that you have for someone in the beginning. The group was split, some said yes, some said no. It was interesting to hear why people fell one way or the other.
8:43:23 P.M. Boy: Ha! Makes more sense now. Where did the ‘jaded’ part fall into that? Also, what about me ‘waiting for the other shoe to fall?’ Still trying to understand what that means?
8:50:12 P.M. Girl: I guess I just sense you are a little cautious and maybe one foot in and one foot out at all times. Plus, from what you’ve mentioned about past relationships, you don’t strike me as being overly confident about the virility of relationships.
9:02:51 P.M. Boy: Now what have I done to give you the impression of #onefootin and #onefootout? Are u starting to get upset with things? Just seems like this came out of nowhere. I do have a less than positive sense of marriage at times.
9:05:38 P.M. Girl: Not upset at all. It’s just an observation. Honestly, not a big deal. Promise.
9:06:25 P.M. Boy: But how does that affect u and I at this point?
…I’m not really sure?
What I do know is that this little drunk text exchange nearly ended our #relationship. Because somehow the power of the drunken text really cut deep into some core truths that up until this point in our dating experience hadn’t been openly discussed.
Her truth: As a product of #divorce HER faith in the ability of two people to be in a relationship and maintain that #initialattraction, #passion, fun, and sustained #commitment is a bit battered. To top it off, it seems living in Los Angeles, only serves as a constant reminder of the fragility of relationships. This is the land of #sexy, #selfish and #single. The conservative ideal of the house with the #whitepicketfence, two kids and a dog is laughable. Why would anyone choose that when they can drink from the plastic surgeons fountain of youth, drive expensive cars, live in an apartment, sleep with a different person every Saturday night and keep life a simple chain of I’m important job titles, expensive gym memberships, fancy bars and Hollywood would be parties? Where did happily and for ever after go? How do you even begin to date? When does a relationship become #exclusive? What does that even mean? Just that I don’t have to worry about you giving me a venereal disease… or something more? How will you tell me when it isn’t ‘exclusive’ anymore… or will you?
His truth: Life is good. Life is simple. 34, single and #neverbeenmarried. Work, hit the gym, grab a beer with the guys and maintain you’re standing in the various sports pools. Then there are the girls. They all seem to want to infringe on your space. The minute you sleep with one of them they instantly want something from you. Your undivided attention, invitations to all of your social gatherings with friends, to #meetyourparents, #movein, #getmarried not to mention the dig into your pocket book. It’s like a whirlwind of space infringement until your left with nothing, but your right ass cheek hanging off the bed and the corner of one sheet barely covering your naked torso, as you shiver in the dark and wonder “what the hell happened to your life?” It doesn’t matter the girl. It’s just a matter of time. They are all blood sucking life destroyers. If only the #sex wasn’t so damn good.
Her Truth: A #romantic at heart I still believe that there is that one perfect person that we are meant to share our lives with. I don’t want to waste my time, my youth, my energies
and passions on someone who isn’t a believer in the idea of a love story. The unshakable belief in the existence of a person that holds the power to light your insides on fire, drives you to be your best, has the ability to make you laugh and ignites your desire to give more of yourself than you ever thought possible…your compliment, confidante and safe, soft place to fall. I want a friend, an equal and a partner to #sharemylife with. I don’t want to take over your life and I don’t want you to devour mine. What I do want to know is if I’m wasting my time? Is it you?
His Truth: Don’t ask me if you can get married and maintain the passion, tell me I’ve got ‘one foot in and one foot out’ or that I’m ’#jaded’ because I know what THAT’S code for…you want more. More of me. All of me. You are like every other woman that’s ever entered my life. You make the simple complicated. You take the fun out of everything. You are like a cancer that I now see I must eradicate before it becomes malignant, takes permanent root, and kills me.
What lies underneath the late night drunken text is the push and pull of male/female #courtship. Better not to read to much into these weighted words else he may jump ship early or she may just run the boat dead into the rocks rather than sail into the abyss with no direction of where things are headed.
Do yourselves a favor and put the phone away! It’s of particular importance to avoid deep and meaningful relationship discussions when the tequila is flowing and your personal editor is sloshed and passed out.
LADIES: Relax and try to enjoy a peaceful sail minus the GPS and map.
GENTLEMEN: Remember it’s a boat…feel free to jump off for a swim every once in a while. As long as the ship is anchored you won’t get lost at sea.
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I’m fine. Things are fine. That’s fine.
“I’m fine. Things are fine. That’s fine.”
Sound familiar?
That is the answer of someone that has at the very least phoned it in and reached the point of utter complacency or at its very worst someone who is the farthest thing from fine and inside is seething in a pool of anger and frustration.
And I catch myself saying it all the time. But what I’m really saying is “I’m fine like the glass octopus hiding in the mid water zone.”
I’ve succeeded in becoming almost invisible. I’m nearly see through, I work hard to make it appear as though I’m not even here, I let life travel through me, past me, unimpeded so that nothing reflects back.
Tricky, huh? Being transparent is like the ultimate hiding technique, except for one tiny detail – every experience it’s had weighs heavy in its gut and casts a mile-long shadow.
I have these crazy dreams though.
Alright, check this out – every time I wake up, I have three images etched in my mind. First, it’s the Wizard of Oz. Then, you got plankton. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any weirder, there’s a mental picture of me holding my ear that I seemingly sawed off using dental floss. Yeah, I probably should skip “go,” forget about collecting $200, and seriously consider checking myself in at some point. But maybe, just maybe, there’s a complete nutjob of a meaning hidden in there somewhere.
So, here’s my interpretation of the deal with old Oz and give an honest assessment of how I’m REALLY doing, okay? I’m “fine” as I’ve been diving into all these books lately that talk about how we’re the architects of our own lives. And you know what? I too have built a dreamy vision board with positive affirmations plastered all across the top and pictures of wonder woman, dreamy travel destinations, a slim yogi bending in impossible ways, and even a fat stack of cash hanging right above my bathroom sink. The funny thing is, I can barely read those affirmations without my glasses – and let’s be real, I barely wear ’em. So, most mornings, I just squint at that board and think, “You know what? Screw it.” And then, well, let’s just say I take care of the real business of life because hey man, ‘I’m totally unequivocally, fine!”
As I pen down these words, it hits me – that little dude behind the green curtain? That’s me, trying to be the master of my own universe. And if I’m being honest, I’m doing a pretty lousy job “making things fine.” But hey, it’s not all gloom and doom. Like our glass octopus friend, I’m floating somewhere in the middle. Haven’t sunk to the bottom of the ocean yet, but I’m no fancy diamond-clad bikini babe leisurely swimming off the shores of the Galapagos Islands either.
If dreams have real meaning, and for arguments sake we should be writing them down, interpreting them, and utilizing what we’ve learned to make changes in our lives let’s look at how old Ozzy is doing so far.
Here’s a breakdown of my life aspects on a scale of 1-10. Picture it like this: one is an absolute disaster and ten is smooth sailing into the sunset, with a unicorn under my command.
Family: I give myself a 3
The family story is a long and winding one. Let’s just say there’s room for improvement, but I’ll spill the details down the road.
Love: 7
I’m docking three points for a past divorce, but I’ve been blessed with an amazing partner for the past nine years. Things are pretty darn great, but we could work on communication and my occasional moments of selfishness.
Sex: 7
We both value a healthy and adventurous sex life. Still, there’s always room for some added excitement!
Spirituality: 3
I’m not a church-goer and have some reservations about organized religion. However, I firmly believe in a higher power and treating others with kindness. I do make time for guided meditation each morning, though!
Career/Purpose: 2
Recently quit my job and am currently soul-searching for the next move. It’s not a rock-bottom situation because I’ve always worked hard, even in jobs I despised, and achieved some success. A little credit is due!
Friends: 3
I’ll give myself a generous rating in this department, even though I know I’m not the best friend. I struggle with small talk, forget to send thank you cards, return phone calls and can be a bit relationship lazy.
Body/Health: 5
I hit the gym hard five days a week, earning myself some brownie points. Unfortunately, my weakness for pasta and bourbon works against me. I might have to embrace some cellulite if I don’t change my eating habits.
Money: 1
If I keep handling my finances the way I do, I’ll be in the workforce until my last breath.
But hey, ‘that’s fine,’ right?
And in some ways, it is. It’s honest. So, while the list doesn’t have any unicorns flying through rainbows, and I’ve clearly got some serious work to do in each of these areas to get my scores up we’ll keep the vision board and pass on firing Oz just yet.
Speaking of strange creatures, have I been watching too much Animal Planet? It’s funny how a barely visible organism like Plankton (you almost thought I forgot didn’t you?) can drift aimlessly in a vast universe yet play a crucial role in life itself. Looking at my scorecard above, I wonder if Plankton is the symbol my mind holds onto to convince myself that even though my life may not seem like much, I’m still making a meaningful contribution to the universe. Ahhh…isn’t symbolism grand?
And what’s the deal with flossing my ear off? Watch the master of spin turn this into a positive message: Maybe I should ignore that persistent negative inner voice that starts jabbering first thing in the morning and doesn’t stop until I hit the pillow at night. It’s draining to listen to and hard to control.
Perhaps I should also keep some reading glasses in the bathroom, so I can read those affirmations every morning and shut down that little negative nelly.
Here’s the thing – I’m not okay with just being “fine.” I want to be more than that. In a nutshell I interpret this recurring dream as being about breaking out of the middle, embracing vulnerability, and swimming towards the top to improve my scores in all aspects of life. I’m determined to stop being my own harshest critic, accepting my past failures, and forging a brighter, more luminous future. I’ll share my journey here, and if I come across any helpful tips, tricks, or tools along the way, they’ll be here for anyone who wants to give them a try.
Let’s level up together, keep dreaming big, and leave ‘fine’ in the dust!
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Questions That Need Answers
Why did I run 385 miles away? You’d think after a year, I’d have a solid, rehearsed answer for that infamous first date question. But truth be told, it’s the one thing that tarnishes my otherwise near-perfect record. Picture this: here I am, a beautiful, witty, vivacious woman standing before you, only to reveal that I’m divorced with three kids, and guess what? My ex-husband has primary custody, and they live on the other side of the state. Uh huh, I know, it sounds all sorts of messed up, doesn’t it? There’s definitely more to this story that’s not immediately apparent. Life’s complicated like that.
So, how did I end up here? It’s a question that’s bound to come up, and sure enough, two weeks into dating this incredible guy, he wants answers. After a failed attempt at explaining myself, it hit me—I needed to sit down and really figure it out…for myself!
I mean, seriously, what was I thinking? I had left what seemed like the perfect marriage. Who knew that, later on when the dust settled and the divorce drama died down, people would come out of nowhere saying things like, “I always thought you guys would split up sooner!” But at the time, I thought we had presented what appeared to be a marriage was straight out of a fairytale. We had a successful business together, hardly ever fought, three beautiful and well-behaved boys, a huge house, fancy cars—you name it. I gave all appearances of living the “happily ever after” dream. And here I was, single-handedly blowing it all up in one shot. I wanted to disappear into thin air and never be seen again. I felt like the biggest failure on the planet. Here I had everything, and yet I wasn’t happy?
But you know what else? I was completely terrified that I wouldn’t stick to my decision. See, my marriage was…comfortable. And man, let me tell you, feeling comfortable is like the most tempting thing ever. It’s safe, you know? A part of me was so damn scared that if I ‘d crumble and go crawling back with my tail between my legs, begging for forgiveness and asking him to take me back. But deep down inside, I knew that stepping out on my own was what I needed no matter how tough or downright scary. It was like facing one of my biggest fears—being alone.
So, what got me to this point? Well, let me give you a little sneak peek into my life. I held on tight to the security of that relationship when I was just twenty years old, for a lot of reasons. One of them was the fact that, if I’m being honest, I had some issues. You know, when the curtain of perfection comes crashing down, there I was—a flawed, breathing, and vulnerable young woman. We all have our weaknesses, insecurities, and those hidden dark corners inside us. For me, it was the suicide of my father when I was just fourteen and a mother with bipolar disorder who was not present in my life. Those things left me feeling incredibly fragile and needy. I was desperate for something stable in my life, you know? I wanted a solid ground to stand on, something that wouldn’t crumble beneath me, something to build my sense of self on. And deep down, what I really wanted was a family of my own—my own little haven filled with love and warmth.
But here’s the hard truth: no one person can rebuild that broken foundation for you. Trust me, I’ve learned it the hard way. Looking to someone else to fix all your shattered pieces and make your world whole—it’s a recipe for relationship disaster. Because when it all boils down, no single person can fill those empty spaces inside you. And when you try to put that burden on them, it puts so much strain on the support system that relationships are built upon. You must find that inner strength within yourself.
You know, finding your own voice and courageously walking your unique path in life is the key to truly experiencing character and inner peace. No one can gift you that; it’s something you earn through hard work and resilience.
I still remember that moment when I walked down the aisle, pledging to spend my life with that young man. Deep down, something felt off. It was like I was stealing something from him, something that I lacked in my own life. I wasn’t entering the marriage as a confident and complete person, ready to journey through life hand in hand with an equal partner. Instead, I was lost and stumbling into it blindly, clinging to him desperately, like a drowning girl grasping onto a buoy. It was incredibly unfair, and we were bound for disaster right from the start.
You know, one of my biggest weaknesses is my lack of fight. I knew that divorce meant putting on the gloves and facing the battle of “who gets what.” I’m a people pleaser to a fault, and I’m not saying that to sound self-righteous. It’s something I truly dislike about myself at times. I would do anything to maintain peace and ensure that people like me. It’s tough to confront the uncomfortable truths about ourselves. Even as I broke the heart of the man I had been married to for seventeen years, I desperately didn’t want him to hate me. Guilt, self-loathing, and self-punishment pushed me forward, saying, “Keep the money, keep the business, I won’t fight over the kids”… just please don’t hate me.
For fourteen long years, I wasted my life working as a CFO for a business I had absolutely no passion for. Most of the time, I stood in the shadows as the “woman behind the man.” When I made the decision to leave my marriage, I found myself in a vulnerable position – no job, no money of my own, no college degree, and no clear plan for the future. One thing was certain: the thought of repeating the cycle of dissatisfaction in my career felt like complete self-destruction. I needed to take charge and make a change in the level of satisfaction I derived from my work. Suddenly, I had the chance to shape my career destiny. Why shouldn’t I pursue my lifelong dream of writing and working in the arts? This was an opportunity to step into the unknown, to test my skills and resilience, and see if I could stand on my own feet and make a living as an artist and storyteller.
Honestly, there isn’t much to be proud of in this entire journey. But you know what? It’s about embracing the challenges, learning from our mistakes, and finding the strength to create a life that truly fulfills us.
But here’s the catch: I prioritized my boys’ well-being over my own desperate longing to keep them by my side. See, I couldn’t stick around in Sacramento. No family to lean on, no job, no cash. It would’ve been chaos for them. So, after much soul-searching, I made the tough call. Underneath my doubts and insecurities, I convinced myself that they’d be better off in the comfort of their father’s house, guarded by his family fortune. With grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends to nurture them and a lifestyle I couldn’t offer on my own.
What led me to this decision? Well, it was a mash-up of embarrassment, the fear of standing on my own, the irresistible urge to carve my own path, and my profound love for the ocean. All these factors pulled me 385 miles away from everyone I knew, landing me in a bustling city where I was a complete stranger. No safety nets to catch my fall, standing tall on wobbly legs, ready to conquer the latter half of my life. Crazy, selfish, maybe even ridiculously foolish. But you know what? For the very first time, I felt like I was exactly where I needed to be. This was my chance to truly find myself, grow emotionally, and become the reliable and mature parent my kids deserved.
I’m working everyday to heal myself, forgive myself, and love my three beautiful sons with all my heart so they can heal as well.
Well, there you have it. All my vulnerabilities, frailties, and personal desires laid out in front of you. It’s quite the dating profile, huh?
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Nix Clumpy Lashes & Mascara That Runs
I struggle with mascara because one way or another it always seems to clump, run or spread. Maybe it is my Italian skin or the fact that at almost 50 I’m sporting some pretty heavy-duty eye cream but either way I hate glancing in a mirror and realizing I’ve got dark black mascara rings under my eyes. Ugh.
A girlfriend introduced me to eyelash extensions back in 2007 and I’ve been wearing them on and off ever since.
I get them filled every three weeks. For me, it has become a beauty routine no different than getting a mani-pedi. In fact, I would forgo the mani-pedi for my lashes any day of the week, should I have to choose between one or the other.
Sound crazy? Here is why it’s worth it:
1. They just flat out make you feel prettier. If our eyes are the windows to our soul; lash extensions bring attention, open them up, create a soft natural look, and make eyes look brighter and more awake.
2. They dramatically cut down on time spent primping. If my eyes look bright and awake and great, I am ready to head out the door with not much else needed.
3. They are a true waterproof solution! I can shower, swim, and even cry without worrying that mascara is running down my face making me look like a raccoon.
4. No need to crimp, curl, scrub or poke. Other than running a little brush through them in the mornings they look great just the way they are.
5. Tammy Faye clumps? Never.The only downside with wearing lash extensions for as many years as I have is that I hate to have to take breaks from them in order to keep my natural lashes healthy & growing. One way I avoid any damage to my natural lashes is to use a lash growth serum. You do have to be careful though that the serum you buy doesn’t contain oil which can break down your lash glue. XLash is my go-to for keeping my lashes thick, healthy and growing. Even when you aren’t using lash extensions this is an amazing product to add to your beauty kit.
I highly recommend lash extensions to anyone thinking about trying them. Just make sure that the person who does them is a certified lash technician. If you are in Los Angeles you can check out my lady Karlene @ Lashing All Over the City. She is one of the most reasonably priced lash technicians in town, has years of experience, and my fave part…you get to lounge in a lazy boy while she works!What I wouldn’t do is get them done on a whim in the back of a nail salon— do your research, get referrals, and go to a professional.
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When I put on coverage, it’s tinted moisturizer
Find these products and more from PCA skin at – https://www.pcaskin.com/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI59CkpKbx4wIVh9lkCh3HfgBfEAAYASAAEgJmJPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
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The Makeup Items Every Woman Needs to Add to Her Kit
coming soon
