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Things I’m working on…
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Why Not You? Why Not Now?
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Almost all grown up…except he doesn’t know how to use a can opener.
So, I went to visit my youngest son at ASU last weekend. He moved into a new apartment this year and his dad and older brothers went with him for the drop-off. You won’t believe what they brought – just clothes, toiletries, and a blow-up mattress! I felt bad at first, but it turns out they took him to Target and he said he didn’t need anything. So, they left him with a lifetime supply of toilet paper and headed home. That’s how guys do a successful college drop-off.
This is his second year at ASU, so he decided to try apartment living instead of the dorms. He quickly realized that he didn’t have any kitchen equipment or cooking skills, so he called me for help. I bought him some basic kitchen essentials and, of course, my cast iron skillet – I can’t live without it. Then, I headed over to lend him a hand.
When I arrived, he was genuinely excited and we unloaded all his new cooking tools. Turns out, he didn’t really know how to use any of them, but we’ll figure that out later.
What surprised me the most was that he moved in with two girls who had been there since last year, and there was nothing in the living area except a TV. Not the most inviting space without somewhere to sit.
Now, you might think that poor college students couldn’t afford furniture. Well, let me tell you that’s nonsense! It took me just 5 minutes to find cheap or even free furniture on websites like offerup.com and letgo.com. I mean, come on, how did I find this stuff quicker than a bunch of millennials? John has a truck and two arms, so he’s perfectly capable of picking up that free dresser down the street!
I truly believe that our surroundings have a big impact on how we feel and function. Some people are surprised by the bold colors in my house, but they make me want to dance around. A room painted in shades of beige just makes me want to crawl into a hole and die. Vibrant colors wake you up, put a smile on your face, and improve your mood.
I’m not saying these kids need to hire a decorator or become experts in feng shui, but we can do better.
How about having a place to sit, hang out with friends, and share a meal? How can you be productive doing homework on a blow-up mattress on the floor, with gray sheets no less? Doesn’t sound very inspiring to me.
As I stood in his room, clothes scattered all over the floor, he picked things up and shoved them in my face for the “smell test.” I was about to have a mom-attack!
As much as I wanted to go all out and decorate his college room, I held back a bit. In his eyes, the room was “fine, mom.” I didn’t paint the walls orange or go crazy with a bright green lacquered desk or polka-dotted chair. But I did clean up the place, get him a wooden desk, comfy chairs, candles, floor mats, and a hamper. That should do the trick.
We also went grocery shopping, and I left him some easy one-skillet recipes that I found online. These recipes are perfect for college-age cooks – simple and no hassle with lots of pots and pans to clean.
He’s been calling me every day as he makes each of the meals. It wasn’t my proudest moment when he told me he didn’t know how to use a can opener, but at least he’s learned now. And who knows, maybe a few cooking skills will impress the girls!
He just texted me saying, “This is the best I’ve eaten since living in AZ.”
Who knows what culinary heights chef John will reach from here! Hopefully, he’ll keep his room at least somewhat clean until my next visit.
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Manifesting Money in Your Life
Hey everyone! So, I quit my job over a year ago and let me tell you, things have been pretty tight financially ever since. My bank account has been in the red more times than I can count, and it’s been super stressful, I gotta admit. I put all my life savings into starting my own business, but getting things off the ground has been a slow process. Picture this: as I closed my bank account and withdrew my last $6.50, I thought to myself, “Should I just give up and go back to a regular 8-5 job?” Ugh, I hated even thinking about it. I mean, leaving my high paying job was a pretty crazy move, and while my friends and family were supportive at first, their patience and support have started to fade as the struggles continue.
The whole experience has been difficult. Lately, I’ve been feeling like a total failure. Fear, insecurity, desperation, and sadness have been creeping up on me, ready to take over. It’s tough, but you know what? There’s still a tiny glimmer of hope. Deep down, I know I’m on the right path—I just need to dig deep and figure things out.
Now, I’m sure many of you have heard about the law of attraction. You know, the whole idea that belief shapes our thoughts and thoughts manifest our reality? Well, I decided to take a real hard look at myself to see if my beliefs, thoughts, and the words I used were aligned with my desire for more money in my life.
First things first, I sat down and listed out all my deep-seated beliefs about money. And boy, did I realize that my relationship with money was not exactly healthy. I’ve experienced both poverty and wealth in my life, and as I listed out what it felt like to be broke versus what it felt like to have money, I was shocked to see some negative emotions associated with having money. I’m talking about feelings like poison, never having enough, losing sight of what’s important, getting consumed by material things, and more. No wonder the universe was holding back the money! Why would it want to bring me something that I held in such a negative light?
So, you know what I needed to do next? Reframe my thoughts about money. I started seeing it as a tool, something to be used in harmony with my values. Balance, compassion, creativity, beauty, connection, experience, and growth. See, the problem wasn’t money itself—it was the consciousness and actions of how it was handled that caused all the negativity.
But here’s the thing about reframing: it’s not about just sitting around and asking the universe for things without actually doing anything. Trust me, I’ve learned the hard way that the amount of money you have doesn’t necessarily reflect how hard you work. I’ve seen so many hardworking folks who are still struggling financially. It’s frustrating, right?
I’m all about putting in the work and manifesting money in my life, but I also want to enjoy the journey. You know what I mean?
Here’s another roadblock I hit: I struggled with feeling worthy and embracing my own merit. Instead of being comfortable in my own skin, I would bring myself down with self-deprecating humor. I thought I was doing others a favor or deflecting my dreams, but over-indulging in self-deprecating talk wasn’t doing me or anyone else any favors.
Let me give you an example. There was this woman at the gym who asked me about my plans to make money with Beauty Brains Bubbly. And you know what? I suddenly felt overwhelmed with shame and unworthiness. I stumbled over my words, made some lame joke about not ending up broke. I totally sabotaged myself and wiped out all the good vibes I had going. Ugh, not cool!
So, I went home, did some meditation, and listened to an audio recording about the law of attraction. It helped me become more self-aware of my conflicting thoughts and words in that moment. At least I have some tools to keep working through this as I move forward.
I’m going to be fully transparent and a little vulnerable here. This hasn’t been easy. I’m still learning, trying new techniques to keep a positive mindset, and working my butt off to turn my passions into a successful business that can support my family.
I keep replaying the mantra “If you want something, you have to feel like you already have it.” But that is honestly easier said than done. When creditors keep blowing up your phone, your bank account is empty, and bills just keep piling up, it’s really tough to “feel abundant.” I mean, sure, I can try to feel like I have money, but then reality hits. The phone rings, another creditor calls, or my fiancé comes to me in a panic talking about getting through the month. Suddenly all those “good money feelings” can just fly out the window. It’s a never-ending challenge, right?
But here’s the thing, I’m stubborn, tenacious, and confident that I’ll find a way forward. So, that’s where I am right now. Trying to find that balance between manifesting my desires and dealing with the real world. It’s a work in progress but I will get there!
Here is a great quote I have posted in my home office:
“As easy as air flows in and out of my being – so it is with money. My desires draw it in, and my ease of thought lets it flow out. In and out. In and out. Everflowing, always easy. Whatever I desire, whenever I desire, as much as I desire – in and out.” – unknown author
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Let’s get real about emotional health!
Life is a roller coaster, full of ups and downs. But let’s be honest, we often focus on the ups when we share stories, pictures, and videos. The lows, on the other hand, rarely get the spotlight in our conversations or social media feeds. We tend to keep our emotional struggles as dirty little secrets, too embarrassed to talk about them.
Despite being interconnected through technology and social media, there’s a danger in solely focusing on everyone’s “highlight reels” and using that as a benchmark to compare ourselves and our emotional well-being. These unbalanced narratives can feed feelings of inadequacy, separateness, and despair, especially when we forget to put things in perspective. It’s important to remember that more people than you might imagine are grappling with their emotional health, and our collective silence isn’t helping.
Just think about the fact that 45 million people have Googled “How to be happy.” Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US for all age groups, with one death occurring every 12 minutes. Depression affects about 20-25% of Americans aged 18 and above each year, yet only half of them receive treatment. But here’s some good news: 80% to 90% of people who seek treatment for depression see successful results through therapy and/or medication.
No one is perfect. No one’s life, no matter how picture-perfect it seems, is all sunshine and roses 100% of the time. We all experience moments of darkness, loss, fear, and loneliness. It’s time for us to start opening up and honestly addressing our emotional well-being. None of us is immune. So, why is there still a stigma around discussing mental health issues, anxiety, depression, or suicide?
When you’re trapped in the deep, dark hole of anxiety or depression, your entire world distorts. Negative thoughts play on a loop in your head, and you gradually withdraw deeper into self-abuse. It can be difficult to admit our pain to ourselves, let alone share and talk about how we truly feel. Without intervention, the self-destructive cycle continues, sometimes until it breaks us.
I’ll never forget the words my father spoke when I was just 13 years old. We sat on the kitchen floor surrounded by broken dishes and food scattered from the refrigerator, which my mother had thrown in a fit of rage. Tears welled up in his eyes as he looked at me and confessed, “Don’t love me – I’m not worth it.” Sadly, not long after, he took his own life.
Reflecting on that heartbreaking moment now, it’s clear that there were warning signs we missed. In fact, 80% of people who attempt suicide show these signs. At the time, I was too young to fully understand the complexities of my dad’s mental state. But looking back, it’s apparent that his loved ones recognized the signs we overlooked. It’s crucial not to ignore these struggles in ourselves or in others:
– Difficulty concentrating
– Excessive fears, worries, or feelings of guilt
– Extreme mood swings – highs and lows
– Withdrawing from friends and activities
– Fatigue, low energy, and sleep troubles
– Inability to cope with everyday problems and stresses
– Changes in appetite and eating habits
– Anger, hostility, or violent behavior
– Neglecting personal hygiene or appearance
When fear consumes us, the only way to break its powerful grip on our minds is to confront our emotional health issues head-on.
We often hesitate to talk about our personal lows out of fear and embarrassment, keeping our feelings locked away to avoid burdening others.
But let me tell you, if you notice someone struggling, do them a favor. Lift the weight from their shoulders by initiating a conversation about emotional well-being. Be straightforward and compassionate.
And here’s a crucial reminder: Say YES to therapy! Therapy has successful outcomes for 80%-90% of people seeking treatment for depression. So, what are you waiting for? Seeking professional help should be a no-brainer with those odds! Don’t let excuses hold you back – there are numerous fantastic resources out there.
Here are some hotlines you can contact:
– National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 or TTY: 1-800-799-4889
– Suicide.org offers 24-hour email support for individuals feeling suicidal
Finding a therapist or mental health center is also crucial. Here are a few places to start:
– The U.S. Department of Health and Human Resources provides a listing of free clinics in your area – simply enter your location.
– The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) can offer information on treatment options or mental health care in your vicinity. Call them toll-free at 1-800-950-NAMI or visit their website.
– SAMHSA, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, is here to help. They offer a 24/7 helpline, also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service, providing confidential support in both English and Spanish. No matter if you or your loved ones face mental health or substance use disorders, they can refer you to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community organizations. Let’s create a safe space where we can be vulnerable, authentic, and real. Share your struggles openly and honestly to let others know they’re not alone. Remember, even in tough times, keep telling yourself and those you care about:
YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS
LIFE WILL GET BETTER
Say it with confidence, and keep saying it until it becomes your reality.
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Nothing to talk about? Get out of the conversational rut!
This weekend, something happened. It wasn’t the first time, but this time it felt different. It felt uncomfortable, palpable, and it scared me.
My fiancé and I were sitting at a table, finishing dinner, and we had nothing to talk about. We looked at each other, smiled, took sips of water, and tried to make small talk about what happened to the waitress with our check. But it all felt…awkward.
Welcome to year eleven of our relationship. Maybe I should have been grateful that we made it this far before hitting this point, but instead, panic set in.
The past 6 months have been rough. I’ve been laser-focused on work, putting in long hours and nights as financial pressures have been mounting. We couldn’t afford a vacation this year, and nights out with friends have become infrequent due to lack of time and money. To make matters worse, it’s August, the sports lull. Basketball season is over, and football is still in pre-season, leaving us with little to talk about when it comes to sports our shared past-time and passion. It felt incredibly uncomfortable, like we were heading into dangerous territory for our relationship.
But then, I realized that we weren’t alone in our awkward silence.
The father and son at the table next to us had barely exchanged two words throughout dinner. Both were engrossed in their cell phones, finding solace and entertainment in their screens rather than engaging in an actual conversation. I’ve been in similar situations with my own kids, and while I would bug them relentlessly until they put their phones away and started talking, I felt empathy for the dad who had given up the fight and buried his head in his own electronic device.
If I had wanted to seek comfort in my phone at that moment, I couldn’t. I intentionally leave my phone at home when I’m out with my fiancé to resist the temptations. I believe in being present in life, and for me, that means cutting the electronic umbilical cord. We are living in an age where instead of experiencing life and engaging with one another, we spend way too much time with our heads down, fixated on tiny screens.
When you think about it, it’s funny how much time we spend living through other people’s lives on social media. We compare ourselves endlessly, often feeling inadequate and either shutting down or putting on a fake show. It’s all about those filtered selfies and group photos, trying to show the world how amazing our lives are even when we’re feeling anything but.
But you know what? The problem isn’t just our phones. It’s not like our ability to communicate disappears because we’ve spent too much time staring at screens. So where does this overwhelming silence come from? Are we just getting bored with each other? Is this the beginning of becoming that elderly couple that sits in complete silence during meals? Is it inevitable? Do we choose to embrace the silence or move on to something new?
That’s the situation my partner and I found ourselves in. No distractions, no devices in sight. And yet, we had nothing left to say or share. The silence was heavy, and I was terrified for our future.
I’ve learned from a 17-year relationship that ended in divorce that the honeymoon stage doesn’t last forever. Relationships can easily become stagnant if we’re not careful. Boredom can sneak up on us, even when we least expect it. Sure, setting aside a regular “date night” with your partner is a good start, but if it always ends up being dinner and a movie, it gets old real quick.
I knew it was time to put all my creativity to work and plan a special date night with my partner. I wanted to spice things up, try something new, and hopefully spark some serious magic between us. I decided to surprise him with a beginner dance class that only cost twenty bucks! It seemed like a fun way to connect physically and have a good laugh together. When I spilled the beans about my plan, he playfully rolled his eyes but agreed to give it a shot.
Let me tell you, we were hilariously terrible on that dance floor. We stumbled, stepped on each other’s toes, and laughed until our bellies hurt. Despite the awkwardness, the class was a success. However, the sales pitch at the end of the lesson got a bit annoying when they revealed the price for regular classes. It was way out of our budget, so we gracefully made our exit.
What’s next in my bag of tricks?
TABLETOPICS for Couples: Questions to Start Great Conversations! It’s a couples card game filled with thought-provoking questions that challenge and inspire, both individually and as a couple. It’s like a fun tool to ignite meaningful conversations about what makes us unique and what brings us together. And the best part? It’s only 25 bucks on AMAZON and ships for free!
Totally within budget and no Foxtrot knowledge required!
They have family versions as well. Whether it is struggling to get your kids to lift their heads out of their phones & really connect with you or finding things to spark great conversations at your next family/friend gathering this would make a great centerpiece for the dinner table.
Give it a try and let me know if it works for you!
