Nothing to talk about? Get out of the conversational rut!

This weekend, something happened. It wasn’t the first time, but this time it felt different. It felt uncomfortable, palpable, and it scared me.

My fiancé and I were sitting at a table, finishing dinner, and we had nothing to talk about. We looked at each other, smiled, took sips of water, and tried to make small talk about what happened to the waitress with our check. But it all felt…awkward.

Welcome to year eleven of our relationship. Maybe I should have been grateful that we made it this far before hitting this point, but instead, panic set in.

The past 6 months have been rough. I’ve been laser-focused on work, putting in long hours and nights as financial pressures have been mounting. We couldn’t afford a vacation this year, and nights out with friends have become infrequent due to lack of time and money. To make matters worse, it’s August, the sports lull. Basketball season is over, and football is still in pre-season, leaving us with little to talk about when it comes to sports our shared past-time and passion. It felt incredibly uncomfortable, like we were heading into dangerous territory for our relationship.

But then, I realized that we weren’t alone in our awkward silence.

The father and son at the table next to us had barely exchanged two words throughout dinner. Both were engrossed in their cell phones, finding solace and entertainment in their screens rather than engaging in an actual conversation. I’ve been in similar situations with my own kids, and while I would bug them relentlessly until they put their phones away and started talking, I felt empathy for the dad who had given up the fight and buried his head in his own electronic device.

If I had wanted to seek comfort in my phone at that moment, I couldn’t. I intentionally leave my phone at home when I’m out with my fiancé to resist the temptations. I believe in being present in life, and for me, that means cutting the electronic umbilical cord. We are living in an age where instead of experiencing life and engaging with one another, we spend way too much time with our heads down, fixated on tiny screens.

When you think about it, it’s funny how much time we spend living through other people’s lives on social media. We compare ourselves endlessly, often feeling inadequate and either shutting down or putting on a fake show. It’s all about those filtered selfies and group photos, trying to show the world how amazing our lives are even when we’re feeling anything but.

But you know what? The problem isn’t just our phones. It’s not like our ability to communicate disappears because we’ve spent too much time staring at screens. So where does this overwhelming silence come from? Are we just getting bored with each other? Is this the beginning of becoming that elderly couple that sits in complete silence during meals? Is it inevitable? Do we choose to embrace the silence or move on to something new?

That’s the situation my partner and I found ourselves in. No distractions, no devices in sight. And yet, we had nothing left to say or share. The silence was heavy, and I was terrified for our future.

I’ve learned from a 17-year relationship that ended in divorce that the honeymoon stage doesn’t last forever. Relationships can easily become stagnant if we’re not careful. Boredom can sneak up on us, even when we least expect it. Sure, setting aside a regular “date night” with your partner is a good start, but if it always ends up being dinner and a movie, it gets old real quick.

I knew it was time to put all my creativity to work and plan a special date night with my partner. I wanted to spice things up, try something new, and hopefully spark some serious magic between us. I decided to surprise him with a beginner dance class that only cost twenty bucks! It seemed like a fun way to connect physically and have a good laugh together. When I spilled the beans about my plan, he playfully rolled his eyes but agreed to give it a shot.

Let me tell you, we were hilariously terrible on that dance floor. We stumbled, stepped on each other’s toes, and laughed until our bellies hurt. Despite the awkwardness, the class was a success. However, the sales pitch at the end of the lesson got a bit annoying when they revealed the price for regular classes. It was way out of our budget, so we gracefully made our exit.

What’s next in my bag of tricks?

TABLETOPICS for Couples: Questions to Start Great Conversations! It’s a couples card game filled with thought-provoking questions that challenge and inspire, both individually and as a couple. It’s like a fun tool to ignite meaningful conversations about what makes us unique and what brings us together. And the best part? It’s only 25 bucks on AMAZON and ships for free!

Totally within budget and no Foxtrot knowledge required!

They have family versions as well.  Whether it is struggling to get your kids to lift their heads out of their phones & really connect with you or finding things to spark great conversations at your next family/friend gathering this would make a great centerpiece for the dinner table.

Give it a try and let me know if it works for you!